Rebellious children have been around since the first children inhabited the earth.
Two common types of rebellion are against socially fitting in rebellion of non- conformity and against adult authority rebellion of non-compliance.
In both types, rebellion attracts adult attention by offending it. The young person proudly asserts individuality from what parents like or independence of what parents want and in each case succeeds in provoking their disapproval. This is why rebellion, which is simply behavior that deliberately opposes the ruling norms or powers that be, has been given a good name by adolescents and a bad one by adults.
The reason why parents usually dislike adolescent rebellion is not only that it creates more resistance to their job of providing structure, guidance, and supervision, but because rebellion can lead to serious kinds of harm.
Rebellion can cause young people to rebel against their own self-interests -- rejecting childhood interests, activities, and relationships that often support self-esteem.
It can cause them to engage in self-defeating and self-destructive behavior - refusing to do school work or even physically hurting themselves. It can cause them to experiment with high-risk excitement - accepting dares that as What makes children rebel against their children they would have refused.
It can cause them to reject safe rules and restraints - letting impulse overrule judgment to dangerous effect. And it can cause them to injure valued relationships - pushing against those they care about and pushing them away.
So adolescent rebellion is not simply a matter of parental aggravation; it is also a matter of concern. Although the young person thinks rebellion is an act of independence, it actually never is.
It is really an act of dependency. Rebellion causes the young person to depend self-definition and personal conduct on doing the opposite of what other people want.
To what degree a young person needs to rebel varies widely. In his fascinating book, "Born to Rebel"Frank Sulloway posits that later born children tend to rebel more than first born. Some of his reasoning is because they identify less with parents, do not want to be clones of the older child or children who went before, and give themselves more latitude to grow in nontraditional ways.
So, parents may find later born children to be more rebellious.
Stage by adolescent stage, then, here is how rebellion seems to function. Serious rebellion typically begins at the outset of adolescence, and when it does many parents think this opposition is against them.
They are usually mistaken. Rebellion is not against them; it is only acted out against them.
Rebellion at this age is primarily a process through which the young person rejects the old child identity that he or she now wants to shed to clear the way for more grown up redefinition ahead.
Rebellion at this early adolescent age proclaims: How should parents respond to strong rebellion at this stage? When requests are met with delay, use patient insistence to wear down resistance.
Begin by asking, "can you help me better understand what you need? Having been given a full hearing and having had his or her say, the young person may now be more inclined to let parents have their way.
When parents feel hard-pressed by these acts of rebellion breaking social rules, running with wilder friends, for example they are best served by allowing natural consequences to occur and by repeatedly providing positive guidance.
They do this by continually making statements about, and taking stands for, choices that support constructive growth. Each time they do so, they provide the young person a fresh choice point to cooperate with them. Particularly when rebellion pushes hardest, as it usually does in mid adolescence, it is the responsibility of parents to keep communicating a reference that will guide the young person down a constructive path of growing up.
In the words of one veteran parent who had shepherded two adolescents through periods of high rebellion, "what it takes is the gentle pressure of positive direction relentlessly applied.
Since rebellion is often reinforced by messages from peers, parents should keep getting their message in there. The son or daughter who ignored that direction today may decide to follow it tomorrow.
Because young people know that is parents and not peers who ultimately have their best interests at heart. Finally in high school these young people, with graduation into more independence looming a year or two ahead, may need to initiate late stage rebellions to get the separation and differentiation and autonomy they need to undertake this next momentous step.
This is painful and scary for parents. At this older age, risk taking can be more dangerous, while they miss the loss of closeness and compatibility with their son or daughter that they have enjoyed for so many years.
What parents need to remember at this point is that the young person is just as scared and pained as they are. So their job is to allow more independence while expecting commensurate responsibility, staying empathetic during disagreements, and providing calm and clear guidance about any significant risk taking that may going on.
The old Walt Kelly quote really captures this conflicted age:Teenagers rebel against their parents in response to social stimulation and psychological changes in their brains. Brains of teenagers and adolescents develop at a rapid pace. As children progress through the teenage years, the developmental center of their brains expands and allows teenagers to form ideas and develop independent thoughts.
Rebellion can cause young people to rebel against their own self should support their children during these critical time periods.
Finding this comment makes me feel firm in the fact that. Whereas younger children don't see the flaws in their parents, adolescents suddenly see the world more realistically. "They construct an ideal of what parents should be, based on their friends.
However, the parents of children that rebel often set the bar too high and most of the children cannot meet their expectations. Sometimes this insistence for the kids to be ‘the best’ at everything turns out to be rather annoying for them.
I would like to focus on two reasons why our children rebel and get so arrogant? By the way, do not be deceived. If your child complies with your request but does it with a poor attitude, know for sure that the child is in passive rebellion.
The topic of teen rebellion usually triggers some kind of emotional response. It can ignite fear in the hearts of parents who have children on the brink of adolescence; it can prompt both defensiveness and despair in the hearts of parents struggling through the teen years; and it can inspire a sigh of relief for parents who now have adult children.